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When his grandmother sets him up with a man they?ve just met, an architect must decide between a loveless relationship and reinventing himself to complete The Playground and reclaim himself ? and the man he loves.
If you set up the logline correct, we will know the lead has to make a decision without having to say it in the logline."When he's set up by a promise he made to his grandma, a loyal architect in a loveless straight marriage finds himself on the date of a lifetime with an interesting gay writer, butRead more
If you set up the logline correct, we will know the lead has to make a decision without having to say it in the logline.
“When he’s set up by a promise he made to his grandma, a loyal architect in a loveless straight marriage finds himself on the date of a lifetime with an interesting gay writer, but must refrain himself if he is to keep his marriage vows.”
See lessA reclusive mathematical genius must abandon the only world she knows to flee cross-country with the mysterious stranger who has just killed her formidable would-be assassin with his bare hands.
We should probably be told why she has to go across the county.
We should probably be told why she has to go across the county.
See lessWhen a Maori tribe surrounds another, a young Maori warrior who is mute rises up and earns a terrifying reputation until he meets an English female doctor who leads him down a path of love and self-discovery.
Since one of the leads goals is to defend his tribe; the confusing intro should be re-written for clarity: You wrote... "When a Maori tribe surrounds another" that is confusing because we don't know from reading the line whether the lead is part of the surrounding tribe or part of the tribe being suRead more
Since one of the leads goals is to defend his tribe; the confusing intro should be re-written for clarity: You wrote… “When a Maori tribe surrounds another” that is confusing because we don’t know from reading the line whether the lead is part of the surrounding tribe or part of the tribe being surrounded.
Writing it like this would make the line more personal”
“When his tribe is attacked by a ruthless rival tribe….”
Hope that helped
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