1. Posted: August 1, 2016In:

    An abstinent high-school graduate heading for college doesn?t want to say goodbye to his friends but must confront those friends he avoided for that same reason after he lifted a shop, tried drugs and had sex with his friend?s sister.

    Richiev Singularity

    I am not exactly sure what the story is.You say he must confront his friends but I don't see why he must confront his friends You also have not told us what he is confronting them about.Also you haven't told us what causes your abstinent lead character to have sex.I like a good coming of age story bRead more

    I am not exactly sure what the story is.

    You say he must confront his friends but I don’t see why he must confront his friends
    You also have not told us what he is confronting them about.

    Also you haven’t told us what causes your abstinent lead character to have sex.

    I like a good coming of age story but without know what your lead character’s goal is and what’s standing in their way
    it is difficult to understand what the story actually is about.

    Sounds like an interesting idea, good luck with this!

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  2. Posted: July 30, 2016In:

    When they cry to the Lord because of oppressors, he will send them a savior, and will defend and deliver them.

    Richiev Singularity

    Who is they? If it's the Jews, it's alright to name them. However from a logline prospective 'they' make a bad lead character You should choose one lead character and giver him or her a goal. Also, who are the 'oppressors'? You should be more specific. How are they being oppressed? What do the 'opprRead more

    Who is they? If it’s the Jews, it’s alright to name them.

    However from a logline prospective ‘they’ make a bad lead character
    You should choose one lead character and giver him or her a goal.

    Also, who are the ‘oppressors’? You should be more specific.
    How are they being oppressed? What do the ‘oppressors’ do?

    I would try adding a few adjectives and specifics in order to draw the reader in.

    Hope that helped, good luck with this

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  3. Posted: July 27, 2016In:

    When her mad-scientist sister finds a way to channel through to her autistic son’s mind, a desperate mother finds out it eventually let a door open to another realm.

    Richiev Singularity

    I was going to do an attempt but I really like Mosess99's logline attempt, I think he did a good job.

    I was going to do an attempt but I really like Mosess99’s logline attempt, I think he did a good job.

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