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Set in contemporary Japan, an American expatriate finds employment as a bartender at a residential hotel only to discover that it doubles as the base of operations for a major Yakuza syndicate.
A TV logline can be a little longer than a movie logline, however the lead character still must have a goal. Also I am not seeing any personal stakes. How does the lead become personally involve with the Yakuza or is he just a causal observer of events? Does he fall in love with a coworker only to dRead more
A TV logline can be a little longer than a movie logline, however the lead character still must have a goal.
Also I am not seeing any personal stakes. How does the lead become personally involve with the Yakuza or is he just a causal observer of events?
Does he fall in love with a coworker only to discover she is the daughter of the Yakusa boss?
Does her perform the Heimlich, saving the life of a Yakuza member, only to be sucked into their world?
Is he forced by the Japanese police to spy on them… or be deported?
What are the stakes, how is it personal and what is the lead characters goal?
If the stakes are high and the situation is personal, the logline will be much more compelling.
because right now, there is just a guy, he works at a hotel, there are some Yakuza… and nothing to connect any of that.
See lessSet in contemporary Japan, an American expatriate finds employment as a bartender at a residential hotel only to discover that it doubles as the base of operations for a major Yakuza syndicate.
In stories, lead characters are proactive, you have described a situation but a logline tells a brief summary of the story which means you need and inciting incident, a lead character a goal and something in the way. ===== "When he discovers the hotel he works at doubles as a base for the Yakuza, anRead more
In stories, lead characters are proactive, you have described a situation but a logline tells a brief summary of the story which means you need and inciting incident, a lead character a goal and something in the way.
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“When he discovers the hotel he works at doubles as a base for the Yakuza, an American ex-patriot must… (Then tell us what he must do)”
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Also you haven’t really given us any intimidate danger to the lead character, so the hotel is a base for the yakuza, why would they care about a bartender?
Did he see something he wasn’t supposed too, if that’s the case, that would be the inciting incident.
hope that helps, good luck with this!
See lessA Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
Here is an attempt at a logline however this one would still need a little work. ===== "When she's trapped by a demon, a bi-polar Nanny is given the choice of killing the children in her care or being enslaved forever." =====
Here is an attempt at a logline however this one would still need a little work.
See less=====
“When she’s trapped by a demon, a bi-polar Nanny is given the choice of killing the children in her care or being enslaved forever.”
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