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A superhuman woman, that is expected to be a savior of the futuristic world with no energy, needs to be saved by a looser fanboy- though not from danger outside, but rather from her self. Note: This is actually meant for comics(manga) script. Target audience is Y/A. Genre is sci-fi action/drama.
While this is written with the Superhuman woman as the lead character, It seems to me the fanboy loser would make for a better lead character.
While this is written with the Superhuman woman as the lead character, It seems to me the fanboy loser would make for a better lead character.
See lessA Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
There seems to be a disconnect between her motivation-- avenge her lifetime of bullying/bipolar/depression-- and the actions it motivates,--murdering two enslaved children. I don't understand how murdering children will avenger a lifetime of bullying. If she wants vengeance then you would think sheRead more
There seems to be a disconnect between her motivation– avenge her lifetime of bullying/bipolar/depression– and the actions it motivates,–murdering two enslaved children.
I don’t understand how murdering children will avenger a lifetime of bullying. If she wants vengeance then you would think she would go after whoever enslaved the children.
If there is a good reason for her to kill the children to avenge bullying it should be stated in the logline.
If there isn’t a connections I would simply drop the line about ‘avenging’ from the logline because it will confuse the reader.
Hope the helped, good luck with this!
See lessAfter a night of self destructive drinking a boy (Chris) discovers that his girlfriend (Anna) possesses the ability to remain immortal as long as she does not fall in love. As Chris' family life decays, he runs away from home with Anna to show her a life bereft of love is not one lived.
1: A night of drinking doesn't help the logline -- "When he discovers his girlfriend will remain immortal as long as she doesn't fall in love" 2: As Chris' family life decays, he runs away from home with Anna to show her a life bereft of love is not one lived. == Too wordy "A hopeless romantic vowsRead more
1: A night of drinking doesn’t help the logline — “When he discovers his girlfriend will remain immortal as long as she doesn’t fall in love”
2: As Chris’ family life decays, he runs away from home with Anna to show her a life bereft of love is not one lived. == Too wordy “A hopeless romantic vows to show her a life without love is not worth living.”
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“When he discovers his girlfriend will remain immortal as long as she doesn’t fall in love, a hopeless romantic vows to show her a life without love’s not worth living.”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!
PS: DPG makes a good point, it seems the woman could be the lead.
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