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A devout college athlete, raised under an assumed identity, must defy his felonious mother to uncover the truth about his missing dad.
There is a logline here somewhere, you've had quite a few attempts, you just haven't hit it yet. How about this: Inciting incident: When he discovers his mother abducted him as a child lead character: A superstar college basketball player What must he do: Hit's the road to discover who his true pareRead more
There is a logline here somewhere, you’ve had quite a few attempts, you just haven’t hit it yet.
How about this:
Inciting incident: When he discovers his mother abducted him as a child
lead character: A superstar college basketball player
What must he do: Hit’s the road to discover who his true parents are
What are the stakes (I am not sure so I am guessing here: but only has 48 hours before the tip off of the national championship and a chance at an NBA career.
If there are other key points you should add or exchange with what I wrote and try them out.
hope that helped!
See lessWhen images of a past that is not his own almost get a CIA Agent killed on assignment, he disobeys orders to search for the mysterious woman from his vision, but must evade his own agency who’ve made him a target to keep them from meeting.
I'm going to re-write this but keep it close to what your wrote, sort of clean it up a little. That doesn't mean it will be the best version but hopefully it will be a little shorter and concise: ----- ----- When a cold and arrogant spy, -- When an arrogant spy (No need for both cold and arrogant) bRead more
I’m going to re-write this but keep it close to what your wrote, sort of clean it up a little. That doesn’t mean it will be the best version but hopefully it will be a little shorter and concise:
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When a cold and arrogant spy, — When an arrogant spy (No need for both cold and arrogant)
begins to experience memories of another life,–experiences memories of another life (no need to say begins)
he goes against orders — he disobeys orders (same thing, less space)
to search for the mysterious woman he?s sharing a past with, — To search for the mysterious woman he shares a past with (Try to avoid -ing verbs when possible)
but as he gets closer to tracking her down, — but as he gets closer (no need to say tracking her down, it’s implied) {Actually this whole line could be cut, I will try a version without it as well}
he discovers his own agency has made both of them a target in an attempt to stop them from meeting — He must evade his own agency who’s made him a target to keep them from meeting.
See less—–
—–
“When an arrogant spy experiences memories of another life, he disobeys orders to search for the mysterious woman he shares a past with, but as he gets closer he must evade his own agency who’s made him a target to keep them from meeting.”
—–
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When an arrogant spy experiences memories of another life, he disobeys orders to search for the mysterious woman he shares a past with, but must evade his own agency, who’s made him a target to keep them from meeting.”
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—–
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
"An entitled man-child has one night to pay back a criminal debt, so he robs his own family?s restaurant."
I have no reason to like the lead character. Even if the lead is a villain there has to be a reason to like him. If there is some reason in your story to like the lead character then it should be in the logline.
I have no reason to like the lead character. Even if the lead is a villain there has to be a reason to like him.
If there is some reason in your story to like the lead character then it should be in the logline.
See less