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  1. Posted: April 15, 2013In: Public

    A cosmonaut plagued with crippling anxiety who wants to make a difference in the world must attempt to prevent an impending global energy crisis by collecting a newly found energy source on a seemingly desolate planet in deep space.

    Tor Dollhouse
    Added an answer on April 15, 2013 at 9:26 am

    1) What triggers the hero to act ?? Could the cosmonaut's fuel be running low ?? 2) What is standing in the way of the hero ?? It sounds like there is more to the desolate planet and the premise is what is going to happen on this planet. Is this where the story is ?? 3) Why is the cosmonaut wantingRead more

    1)
    What triggers the hero to act ??
    Could the cosmonaut’s fuel be running low ??

    2)
    What is standing in the way of the hero ??
    It sounds like there is more to the desolate planet
    and the premise is what is going to happen on this planet. Is this where the story is ??

    3)
    Why is the cosmonaut wanting to make a difference ??
    Do they have family back on Earth ?? What is at stake ??

    Hope this helps 😀

    Tor

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  2. Posted: April 15, 2013In: Public

    In a world where sadness is punishable by death, and the broken-hearted must gather in secret, a singer of melancholy songs struggles to incarnate the true love he's found in his dreams in order to escape the oppression of his waking life.

    Tor Dollhouse
    Added an answer on April 15, 2013 at 9:19 am

    "Secretly gathering with others in a world where sadness is punishable by death, a brokenhearted singer struggles to incarnate the true love found only in his dreams." 1) We the reader know they are oppressed from the set-up of special world circumstance. By using it twice ie: "... escape the oppresRead more

    “Secretly gathering with others in a world where
    sadness is punishable by death, a brokenhearted singer
    struggles to incarnate the true love found only in his dreams.”

    1)
    We the reader know they are oppressed from the set-up of special world circumstance.
    By using it twice ie: “… escape the oppression…” & “… sadness is punishable by death..”
    it can confuse and be repetitive while adding unnecessary info. Keep your set-up as simple as can be.

    2)
    What is the inciting incident making the hero incarnate the true love of his dreams ??
    How did he become heartbroken ??

    3)
    What is the urgency that forces the hero to act ?? Why now ??

    4)
    When you imply “incarnate” & “singer”, we presume that the hero
    will sing this being into existence and be the main premise. What is the after affect of this ??
    Is this punishable or is their a time limit ?? What force is acting against this being ??

    Hope this helps 😀

    Tor

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  3. Posted: April 11, 2013In: Public

    During WW2, a team of monsters led by Annabell Van Helsing must stop a group of Occult Nazis from resurrecting Dracula.

    Tor Dollhouse
    Added an answer on April 12, 2013 at 10:52 am

    "During the Templars crusade, a team of monsters led by Annabell Van Helsing must stop a sect of satanists from summoning the 11th plague, Dracula." By giving us a new time period // antagonist, this helps avoid the Hellboy cliche and can also lead to better conflict with your monster aspect. GivingRead more

    “During the Templars crusade, a team of monsters led by Annabell Van Helsing must stop a sect of satanists from summoning the 11th plague, Dracula.”

    By giving us a new time period // antagonist, this helps avoid the Hellboy cliche and can also lead to better conflict with your monster aspect. Giving Dracula a purpose also raises the stakes and makes us care for why we connect and want to see the team of monsters succeed.

    An interesting comic to check out is: Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E.

    http://www.comicvine.com/frankenstein-agent-of-shade/4050-42793/

    Hope this helps 😀

    Tor

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