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When attending a brutal dance audition, a meticulous dancer must break free from conformity, unleashing her authentic individuality to claim the elusive path to success.
This sounds more like a scene than a story. However, you do have a lead character, a goal, and something standing in the way of the goal so that is a plus!
This sounds more like a scene than a story.
However, you do have a lead character, a goal, and something standing in the way of the goal so that is a plus!
See lessWhen the Hungarian ballroom world champion comes to the US to teach dance to wealthy students, he quickly discovers the corruption and betrayal that stand between him and the fast-fading American Dream.
You need a face to the bad guy.
You need a face to the bad guy.
See lessWhen her father’s charred body is found on the outskirts of their outback town, a headstrong teenager destroys evidence so that the town’s secrets will remain buried in the ashes; but when an exchange student is struck by meteor fragments carrying a mind-altering parasite, federal authorities quarantine the town and our heroine must solve a murder mystery before she is absorbed into the alien hive-mind.
The word ‘When’ usually describes an inciting incident. You have two ‘when’s’ in your logline, indicating two inciting incidents… This is a logline issue. (Or perhaps a story issue) (Sorry I copy-pasted this, but you have to watch out with the word 'when')
The word ‘When’ usually describes an inciting incident.
See lessYou have two ‘when’s’ in your logline, indicating two inciting incidents…
This is a logline issue. (Or perhaps a story issue)
(Sorry I copy-pasted this, but you have to watch out with the word ‘when’)