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After publicly exposing his super-human abilities, an angel-hybrid teenager is hunted by his demonic half-brother who seeks to increase his power and enslave mankind.
I like almiiitey's re-write (Except for the term hybrid" that needs changed) I think it's solid. ----- On a side note, his mom really got around, 'wink' 'wink' 'nudge' 'nudge'. Must have been some party
I like almiiitey’s re-write (Except for the term hybrid” that needs changed) I think it’s solid.
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On a side note, his mom really got around, ‘wink’ ‘wink’ ‘nudge’ ‘nudge’.
Must have been some party
See lessA high school kid becomes increasingly obsessed with cracking an enigmatic waffle house owner.
I agree, adding the inciting incident to the logline will help, such as: ----- "After discovering the local waffle house owner's having an affair with his mother, an angry teen vows to take him down." ----- (Obviously your inciting incident will be different) Hope that helped, good luck with this!
I agree, adding the inciting incident to the logline will help, such as:
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“After discovering the local waffle house owner’s having an affair with his mother, an angry teen vows to take him down.”
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(Obviously your inciting incident will be different)
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessWhilst the rest of the world begins to lose their memories. A sole teenager starts to learn things about the world that they had never dreamed of.
This's another logline that tells us situation but doesn't tell us story. The story's what the lead must do or who's standing in their way." ----- "When a young recluse discovers he gains peoples memories while the rest of the world loses them, he must search his brain to discover clues to save theRead more
This’s another logline that tells us situation but doesn’t tell us story. The story’s what the lead must do or who’s standing in their way.”
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“When a young recluse discovers he gains peoples memories while the rest of the world loses them, he must search his brain to discover clues to save the world before he goes insane.”
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My attempt is still clunky (“Search his brain” isn’t a great action) but if; as he gains the worlds memories, he discovers a series of clues to why this event’s happening, I believe you have a good sci-fi mystery. Possibly even TV show.
Good luck, hope that helped!
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