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Chelsea is the first president who jointly forms the Group of Eight through circumstances of fate to reduce a disturbing factor of survival, ?Unemployment? in the New Millennium.
I thought she was the President of the United states?
I thought she was the President of the United states?
See lessChelsea is the first president who jointly forms the Group of Eight through circumstances of fate to reduce a disturbing factor of survival, ?Unemployment? in the New Millennium.
Sometimes certain lines can be difficult to read. Such as: "Chelsea is the first president who jointly forms the Group of Eight" In order to jointly do something, you have to have a partner. For-instance, if you had wrote, "Chelsea and the prime minister of France jointly form the Group of Eight" woRead more
Sometimes certain lines can be difficult to read.
Such as: “Chelsea is the first president who jointly forms the Group of Eight”
In order to jointly do something, you have to have a partner. For-instance, if you had wrote, “Chelsea and the prime minister of France jointly form the Group of Eight” would make sense.
Also since the G-8 is already formed, this logline implies that this is an alternate history script. If this story takes place in the past then that is good, but if it takes place in the future I would consider changing the line.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessAfter he finds out his ex-girlfriend is getting married, a man decides to go to the wedding in order to stop her from going through with it.
There are three things I noticed about this logline: First, you haven't told us about the lead character other than he's a man; I would give a little more description. Second, instead of saying ex-girlfriend, I would up the stakes and call her, "The love of his life" that way we understand why it'sRead more
There are three things I noticed about this logline:
First, you haven’t told us about the lead character other than he’s a man; I would give a little more description.
Second, instead of saying ex-girlfriend, I would up the stakes and call her, “The love of his life” that way we understand why it’s so important he stop the wedding.
Third, instead of stopping his ex from marrying, I would consider the more positive, “Winning her back.” as his goal.
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“When a former gambler discovers the love of his life’s getting married, he attends the wedding vowing to win her back.”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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