1. Posted: April 19, 2013In:

    After failing to save her own partner, the superhero called Nova is a haunted shell of her former self until a woman from an alternate reality appears seeking help – a woman who looks exactly like her dead partner.

    Richiev Singularity

    How about this: When her dead partners look-alike comes to her for help, a disgraced superhero gets a chance for redemption when the two hunt her sidekicks killer.

    How about this:

    When her dead partners look-alike comes to her for help, a disgraced superhero gets a chance for redemption when the two hunt her sidekicks killer.

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  2. Posted: April 19, 2013In:

    When his brother is shot dead during a botched bank robbery to re-claim their family inheritance, a disenchanted book keeper must face a suspicious and obstinate Bank Manager, the cops, and his fear of public speaking to finish the job.

    Richiev Singularity

    This logline has a lot of different elements, but because it isn't clear how these elements relate, the logline is a bit confusing. First, "When his brother is shot dead during a botched bank robbery," It isn't clear if his brother was the one robbing the bank or if he was a victim during a robbery.Read more

    This logline has a lot of different elements, but because it isn’t clear how these elements relate, the logline is a bit confusing.

    First, “When his brother is shot dead during a botched bank robbery,” It isn’t clear if his brother was the one robbing the bank or if he was a victim during a robbery.

    “To re-claim their family inheritance” I am not sure what this has to do with a bank robbery or his brothers death.

    “a disenchanted book keeper must face…. his fear of public speaking” again this seems to come out of nowhere. It is unclear how fear of public speaking relates to the bank robbery or the family inheritance.

    So I like that you have a bunch of different elements but you may want to be more clear as to how it all relates.

    Hope that helps, good luck with this.

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  3. Posted: April 4, 2013In:

    A happy-go-lucky divorce lawyer who preys on divorcees gets a wake up call when an ex shows up with a kid claiming its his and threatens his bachelor lifestyle.

    Richiev Singularity

    Hey Tgroves I would change "Happy-go-lucky divorce lawyer" to something like, "lascivious divorce lawyer" Saying "lascivious divorce lawyer" would imply that he is preying on his female clients and you could shorten the logine. "When an ex-lover shows up with a child he never new existed, a lascivioRead more

    Hey Tgroves

    I would change “Happy-go-lucky divorce lawyer” to something like, “lascivious divorce lawyer”

    Saying “lascivious divorce lawyer” would imply that he is preying on his female clients and you could shorten the logine.

    “When an ex-lover shows up with a child he never new existed, a lascivious divorce lawyer finds he must choose between his hedonistic lifestyle or his child.”

    Of course there are a couple big words in my attempt, you may want to go with Kiss’s advice; either way. I hope that helped.

    Good luck with this!

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