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Accused of a crime for revenge, a sensitive, feminine male struggles to keep his sanity while incarcerated in a small town county jail fully inhabited by a variety of unpredictable strangers.
"Accused of a crime for revenge" is confusing. Was he falsely accused of a crime by someone who wanted to get revenge on him? -OR- Did he commit a crime in order to get revenge on someone else?
“Accused of a crime for revenge” is confusing.
Was he falsely accused of a crime by someone who wanted to get revenge on him?
-OR-
Did he commit a crime in order to get revenge on someone else?
See lessA brilliant pickup artist addicted to crack meets the love of his life in form of a stripper whom just laid of the pipe and he must now choose ? Love? Or crack.
I think the problem with this logline, it doesn't explain why he can't have both: Love and Crack. Now if the love interest was a straight-edge stripper, then I could see there might be a conflict. A few little changes and this logine should be fine. Good luck with this!
I think the problem with this logline, it doesn’t explain why he can’t have both: Love and Crack.
Now if the love interest was a straight-edge stripper, then I could see there might be a conflict.
A few little changes and this logine should be fine. Good luck with this!
See lessA School-janitor finds out that the extreme pains he just started suffering is because of a young student made a Voodoo-doll in the spitting image of him. Now he must get his hands on the doll and protect it from harm before he dies trying.
I like this concept. There are three things that I think could improve the logline. 1) The students motives aren't explained: Instead of "Young" student (because young and student are somewhat repetitive) I would say something like "Vengeful." Give us an adjective that hints at motivation. 2) I woulRead more
I like this concept.
There are three things that I think could improve the logline.
1) The students motives aren’t explained: Instead of “Young” student (because young and student are somewhat repetitive) I would say something like “Vengeful.” Give us an adjective that hints at motivation.
2) I would drop “In the spitting image of him” because Voodoo-doll by nature only work of they look like the victim.
3) The line, “Now he must get his hands on the doll and protect it from harm before he dies trying.” is a little clunky, I would change the line to, “now he must get his hands on the doll to break the curse.”
How about something like this:
“When a popular school Janitor discovers his blinding pains are cause by a Voodoo-doll, he must steal it from the vengeful student who created it to break the curse.”
Hope that helped. Good luck with this!
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