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After an accident causes a successful CEO to lose both legs, he is forced to re-evaluate his life and identity
There is definitely a "Regarding Henry" feel to this. I would look at the first line "After an accident causes a successful CEO to lose both legs," I would shorten it, "When a successful CEO loses both his legs." because we will assume he didn't lose his legs on purpose. As for the rest I would simpRead more
There is definitely a “Regarding Henry” feel to this.
I would look at the first line “After an accident causes a successful CEO to lose both legs,”
I would shorten it, “When a successful CEO loses both his legs.” because we will assume he didn’t lose his legs on purpose.
As for the rest I would simply listen to the advice given by the others who have commented.
Anyway, I hoped that helped. Good luck!
See lessAfter his wife is killed by a rival street gang, a reformed criminal follows his dreams to teach music. But when a school shooting forces lockdown, he must protect a disabled protege.
I would stick with just one "When," (When his wife is killed)---(When a school shooting forces lockdown) otherwise your logline will be too long. "When a school shooting forces lockdown, a seemingly mild mannered teacher must revert back to his old ways to protect his disabled student from the attacRead more
I would stick with just one “When,” (When his wife is killed)—(When a school shooting forces lockdown) otherwise your logline will be too long.
“When a school shooting forces lockdown, a seemingly mild mannered teacher must revert back to his old ways to protect his disabled student from the attackers.”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!!!
See lessWhen an arrogant, big-shot Hollywood Producer fails at murdering a big-shot actor, he must hunt down the star before the news gets out and ruins his career.
This logline isn't bad, although a little strange as far as ideas's go. I wouldn't repeat big-shot, I would drop both. "When an arrogant Hollywood Producer fails to murder his primadonna actor, he must finish the job before the star reaches the authorities and ruins his career." One thing, NormallyRead more
This logline isn’t bad, although a little strange as far as ideas’s go.
I wouldn’t repeat big-shot, I would drop both.
“When an arrogant Hollywood Producer fails to murder his primadonna actor, he must finish the job before the star reaches the authorities and ruins his career.”
One thing, Normally for a story to work you have to have someone to connect with. When Mel Gipson did Payback he played a bad guy but we could connect with the character of Porter because we understood how a guy could just want the money he was owed.
As written I don’t see any character to connect with, either the Arrogant Producer or the Big-shot actor.
We don’t know why the producer is trying to kill his actor. we have no motivation. Did the actor sleep with his wife? Was the actor making outrageous demands on set? Is the Producer trying to kill the actor in order to boost sale of an upcoming release?
We have the main character, his goal and the stakes but I would think about adding something that gives us a connection to the producer so we can cheer him on even though he is doing something bad.
Hope that helped, good luck with this.
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