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After her family is killed, a young woman escapes in order to avoid the same fate only to discover a family secret that will soon have her running back home in order to confront those who hurt her family.
"When she discovers the secret of who murdered her family, a (young woman) does the one thing she's vowed to never do, go back home, to get revenge on those who took away everything from her and her loved ones."I put "Young Woman" in parenthesis because it needs to be changed, What is her personalitRead more
“When she discovers the secret of who murdered her family, a (young woman) does the one thing she’s vowed to never do, go back home, to get revenge on those who took away everything from her and her loved ones.”
I put “Young Woman” in parenthesis because it needs to be changed, What is her personality, who is she, give a two or three-word description of the character.
See lessWhen an avid lens collector takes a photo with a mysterious camera, he is captured in a murder he can only hope to escape.
The logline is a little hard to read, so a little clarity might help"When the photo he took with a mysterious new camera shows himself committing murder, an avid lens collector..." (Must discover the origins of the camera if he is to avoid his murderous fate)The part in parenthesis is just guessworkRead more
The logline is a little hard to read, so a little clarity might help
“When the photo he took with a mysterious new camera shows himself committing murder, an avid lens collector…” (Must discover the origins of the camera if he is to avoid his murderous fate)
The part in parenthesis is just guesswork.
You have a lead character: Avid lens collector (original)
You have the inciting incident: A picture of a murder (I think you are saying, a picture of the lead committing a murder, but not sure)
Goal: I am not sure from reading your logline what the lead characters’ tangible goal is, that’s why I added the part in parenthesis.
See lessA high school student uses her psychological ability to invade dreams by getting revenge on her older sister.
Two things. What is the revenge for, and how does invading the dream achieve that goal??Adding those two things will make the logline more interesting?
Two things. What is the revenge for, and how does invading the dream achieve that goal??
Adding those two things will make the logline more interesting?
See less