Categories: Comedy
At what point in the story do the couple become locked inside? (Beginning of second act?)
What is the objective or goal once they are trapped inside? Is it just to survive for 2 years? What is stopping them from doing that? (Presumably the biosphere is set up to handle 8 inhabitants? So I imagine there'd be plenty of supplies for 2 people trapped in there. Also, if they're not actively trying to kill one another, and there's no other antagonist, I'd say survival is pretty much assured. So what you have is 2 characters trapped in one location who dislike one another, but with no other objectives. So they're just squabbling for the 90 min run time? I can't imagine anyone would want to fund that film, much less see it).
I think there's potential in the idea -- the setup works for a low-budget kind of thing. But I agree with Nir; I think the premise needs work.
"After they're sealed inside?their?biosphere experiment midway through a supply delivery, two?unscrupulous academics in a failing marriage must work together to survive the next 24 months."
Trying that out, it makes me wonder; what is at stake if the experiment fails? That seems to provide the momentum for WHY they must tough it out, instead of just shut it down and escape.
Also -- it feels like the repair of their relationship; and arc from distant to loving for the couple, is going to be central to the story. But I want to know, in the logline, what it is that might drive a wedge between them? Perhaps there are THREE people locked in there? (And this person can be used as the third point in a love triangle -- perhaps, the third character is so spurned by the way they're manipulated and used by the other two trying to get back at each other, that in the second half even becomes the antagonist; attempting to sabotage the experiment and kill them all before the end).
It feels more than a little "Bio-Dome", but could have some of "The Martian" in there.
Your difficulty to construct a logline that accurately describes this concept sheds doubt on the integrity of the premise. In other words, without significant change I think this is too complex to work as a story for a feature film, perhaps other mediums such as graphic novels but not as a single plot for a feature.
Sorry if this comment seems harsh, but it's truly what I think. Consider a producer reading this logline, they would be expected to extrapolate the sequence of events in your story, but there are too many unclear elements.
The story starts with a bio-sphere experiment already running (a big leap of logic but possible). The main characters (two MCs already raises alarm bells in most producer's minds) "...manipulate..." what does that mean? Change the temperature of the atmosphere? Drug the food and water supply? Screw with the daylight hours? This statement is both unclear and crucial for the story.
What does "...end up sabotaging each other..." mean? Alter the data collection programs they use? Directly interact with the inhabitants? Again, this is a plot-critical action that's simply unclear.
Lastly, you write that they get locked inside, but how? Why? And most importantly of all, to what end? This sounds like the inciting incident, and as such, makes all that came before it redundant. Now that they are locked inside their own experiment (a nice bit of irony by the way) what are they going to do? Or in other words, what's their goal?
I suggest you rethink the concept and start it from the point of the scientists being locked inside their own experiment with a clear goal - perhaps they want to break out or find a way to terminate the experiment from within.
A logline should be about what a protagonist deliberately intends to do -- not what happens instead, what happens accidentally. ?So "...they end up sabotaging each other, becoming locked inside also, "and at war." is extraneous, doesn't belong in the logline.
Why are the couple deliberately manipulating the volunteers? ?What is their objective goal? ?What is their working hypothesis--- what are they trying to prove with the experiment? ?(Even in a comedy, there has to be quasi-rational, quasi-believable explanations for character behavior and choices.)
A logline should be about what a protagonist deliberately intends to do -- not what happens instead, what happens accidentally. ?So "...they end up sabotaging each other, becoming locked inside also, "and at war." is extraneous, doesn't belong in the logline.
Why are the couple deliberately manipulating the volunteers? ?What is their objective goal? ?What is their working hypothesis--- what are they trying to prove with the experiment? ?(Even in a comedy, there has to be quasi-rational, quasi-believable explanations for character behavior and choices.)
You are still not covering what the goal is and what really must be overcome to achieve it.
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